Monday, August 9, 2010

Middle of the night thoughts

For some reason I can't sleep tonight. Maybe I don't want to sleep because I know in about 12 hours or so I'll be saying goodbye to my precious little girl for another week. I am sad about that even though I know she's in good hands. I will miss her terribly. Maybe I can't sleep because I'm not sure if I'll see my precious older daughter and grandson tomorrow. And if I do it won't be for long. Or maybe I can't sleep because of the unknown decision that will be made for our son.

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a parent. I have a daughter and grandson I don't get to see very often and wonder if I could have done things differently so that she would want to live closer than she does. I have a son, although not legally mine anymore, who is going through some trials right now and I cannot be there for him. And I have a toddler who I feel sad for sometimes that we are her parents. We are old and tired and wish that we could give her a better life.

It's going to be a long, lonely week.

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