I wanted to complain
when my husband was gone all day and our daughter desperately wanted daddy's attention
I wanted to complain
when our daughter wanted to be outside in the cold and wind
I wanted to complain
that I wasn't getting any work done.
But then I reminded myself to be grateful
I wasn't a single parent
Our daughter is able to play outside
I have a job I love
God is good
I still FEEL like complaining but will not be guided by my feelings and remember
God is good ... all the time!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Milestones
I just realized today there are some milestones happening this weekend.
We have lived here now for five years. I don't know whether it's amazing-good or amazing-bad the enormous amount of things that have happened in those five years. Now that I think about it, some of both.
One amazing-good thing is Lilyana which is another milestone. Our little miracle baby will officially graduate from the church nursery. Okay, so our church doesn't have nursery graduations but this will be her last official Sunday in nursery. I say official because she's been attending preschool Sunday School all summer and she will be in first service nursery two Sundays a month because we are volunteering. She started attending nursery at 8 months. She would fall asleep on the way to church and we would lay her in the portacrib until she woke up. She could barely sit up on her own. I would put her snowsuit or some other padding behind her to cushion her fall. She has come a long way.
My parents will celebrate 53 years of marriage on Monday. Three years ago when we celebrated their 50th she was only four months old and tiny. This picture below shows the entire family except for our son Seth. Now my brother has moved to Las Vegas, and my sister has moved to St. Francis, KS. We are now even more spread out than we were three years ago.
Now she is 3 1/4 years old and taking on the world.
A weekend of milestones.
We have lived here now for five years. I don't know whether it's amazing-good or amazing-bad the enormous amount of things that have happened in those five years. Now that I think about it, some of both.
One amazing-good thing is Lilyana which is another milestone. Our little miracle baby will officially graduate from the church nursery. Okay, so our church doesn't have nursery graduations but this will be her last official Sunday in nursery. I say official because she's been attending preschool Sunday School all summer and she will be in first service nursery two Sundays a month because we are volunteering. She started attending nursery at 8 months. She would fall asleep on the way to church and we would lay her in the portacrib until she woke up. She could barely sit up on her own. I would put her snowsuit or some other padding behind her to cushion her fall. She has come a long way.
My parents will celebrate 53 years of marriage on Monday. Three years ago when we celebrated their 50th she was only four months old and tiny. This picture below shows the entire family except for our son Seth. Now my brother has moved to Las Vegas, and my sister has moved to St. Francis, KS. We are now even more spread out than we were three years ago.
A weekend of milestones.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Color Coordination
Last week I took this color vision challenge. My result was 0 which means I have perfect color vision. And while I don't color coordinate the crayons in the box I do like to have my daughter's clothes color coordinated before going out in public.
Recently we've discovered that her favorite color is green. Even though we told her it should be pink, it's still green. I've been letting her pick her own clothes out once in a while with the hope that she'll pick something that coordinates so that we can go out in public. She does, after all, have several shades of pink. This morning, however, she decided she wanted green. She picked out a green t-shirt with a design and plaid shorts that might have green in them but are mostly yellow and blue. Definitely not color coordinated.
So don't be looking for us out in public today. We will stick close to home and I will be looking for a 12-step program to cure my need for perfect color coordination in my daughter's clothes.
(I'd take a picture but my new-to-me phone doesn't have a data cable so I have to wait for Dan to come home so we can switch sim cards.)
Recently we've discovered that her favorite color is green. Even though we told her it should be pink, it's still green. I've been letting her pick her own clothes out once in a while with the hope that she'll pick something that coordinates so that we can go out in public. She does, after all, have several shades of pink. This morning, however, she decided she wanted green. She picked out a green t-shirt with a design and plaid shorts that might have green in them but are mostly yellow and blue. Definitely not color coordinated.
So don't be looking for us out in public today. We will stick close to home and I will be looking for a 12-step program to cure my need for perfect color coordination in my daughter's clothes.
(I'd take a picture but my new-to-me phone doesn't have a data cable so I have to wait for Dan to come home so we can switch sim cards.)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Book Review
Cherished By Kim Cash Tate is a story mainly about Brian and Kelli, high school sweethearts, who ended their relationship with a lot of hurt still festering. Seven years later the book takes us on a journey of mercy, grace and forgiveness not only for Brian and Kelli but also for other characters in the story. It reminds us that God is there waiting to heal the hurt that we have inside no matter how “scandalous” we think it is. One of my favorite quotes from the book is “The funny thing about forgiveness is God is much freer with it than humans are.” Unfortunately, in the book and in real life many times Christians and the church are very free with their judgments of what they deem to be unforgiveable sin. This book reminds us that God is the ultimate judge and no sin is too far from His grace.
I don’t think I’ve ever read anything by Ms. Tate before but I will look up other books authored by her. It was an enjoyable read.
I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Call me Nahna
I have a most delightful little girl even when she refuses to take a bath. Sigh.
I was in the shower this morning and Dan's cell phone rang. He was at work and so it rang and rang and rang. Finally Lilyana picked it up. I think she was too late but she answered it and started talking as she sometimes does. She talked and talked like someone was on the phone. Finally I heard, "okay, bye, bye." As I continued getting ready to go to town she was still playing with it and I didn't think much more about it. We got to the store and my phone rang. As I answered it and started talking I see her opening up Dan's phone and talk on it. I'm thinking "where did she carry the phone?" This little girl had put the phone in her pocket and carried while we walked to the post office and around the store without me knowing she had it. I was quite amused. I think it's still in her pocket.
I recently resigned from my very stressful job and one of the many people I'll miss is my friend, Missy Green. She's a very happy, upbeat, friendly, helpful person. But I will think of her often, at least once a day, because many times I when I say thank you or something to Lilyana I'll call her Missy, just because it sounds fun. Every time Lilyana will say, it's Nahna. Today when we got home from the store I said, "thank you, Missy." She said "call me Nahna." I found it amusing.
I was in the shower this morning and Dan's cell phone rang. He was at work and so it rang and rang and rang. Finally Lilyana picked it up. I think she was too late but she answered it and started talking as she sometimes does. She talked and talked like someone was on the phone. Finally I heard, "okay, bye, bye." As I continued getting ready to go to town she was still playing with it and I didn't think much more about it. We got to the store and my phone rang. As I answered it and started talking I see her opening up Dan's phone and talk on it. I'm thinking "where did she carry the phone?" This little girl had put the phone in her pocket and carried while we walked to the post office and around the store without me knowing she had it. I was quite amused. I think it's still in her pocket.
I recently resigned from my very stressful job and one of the many people I'll miss is my friend, Missy Green. She's a very happy, upbeat, friendly, helpful person. But I will think of her often, at least once a day, because many times I when I say thank you or something to Lilyana I'll call her Missy, just because it sounds fun. Every time Lilyana will say, it's Nahna. Today when we got home from the store I said, "thank you, Missy." She said "call me Nahna." I found it amusing.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Fun with Lilyana
After my depressing post yesterday I thought I'd share some fun conversations with Lilyana.
Lilyana: What's that noise?
Me: Sump pump
Lilyana: Washing machine.
Me: You're right. It's the washing machine.
On a trip to the grocery store: I want to go to church. I want to go to church.
At the grocery store I let her push the little cart. She did an excellent job but every once in a while I had to help steer from the front. When I did that she said: Move the hand. Move the hand.
Tonight she came up to me with a box and said "happy birthday." The box was filled with letters. It was not my birthday but she gave me something that was precious to her ... letters.
And finally, we have one pull up left and so we've been scrounging around the house to find anything that might work for a pull up or diaper in her size. We have some Goodnights but they are too big for her right now. I was surprised when I found a diaper in size 5, wondering how that had gotten past and not used. So while Dan was putting the diaper on we found out why it hadn't been used. One of the tabs had pulled off. So he used packing tape to keep it on. I tried to keep her distracted so she wouldn't get tape on her skin. So I put a Goodnight on her head (it was clean, brand-new and never used). She called it her monster mask.
And we did not let her wear it to bed.
Lilyana: What's that noise?
Me: Sump pump
Lilyana: Washing machine.
Me: You're right. It's the washing machine.
On a trip to the grocery store: I want to go to church. I want to go to church.
At the grocery store I let her push the little cart. She did an excellent job but every once in a while I had to help steer from the front. When I did that she said: Move the hand. Move the hand.
Tonight she came up to me with a box and said "happy birthday." The box was filled with letters. It was not my birthday but she gave me something that was precious to her ... letters.
And finally, we have one pull up left and so we've been scrounging around the house to find anything that might work for a pull up or diaper in her size. We have some Goodnights but they are too big for her right now. I was surprised when I found a diaper in size 5, wondering how that had gotten past and not used. So while Dan was putting the diaper on we found out why it hadn't been used. One of the tabs had pulled off. So he used packing tape to keep it on. I tried to keep her distracted so she wouldn't get tape on her skin. So I put a Goodnight on her head (it was clean, brand-new and never used). She called it her monster mask.
And we did not let her wear it to bed.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My mood of late
Disclaimer: I am very proud of Calsey and what she's accomplished. She signed up for National Guard when she was 17 at the end of her junior year of high school. She then went on to basic training and passed with flying colors. She then worked hard to complete her senior year of high school but was unable to graduate. She left for AIT after that and worked hard to get her GED. She is now an active member of her Guard unit driving form Sioux City, NE to St Peter, MN to complete her drills. She is a single mom and doing extremely well. What I have to say next has no reflection on Calsey's choices. It's just a loss I have to grieve and in no way do I want Calsey to feel shame or think that we are disappointed in her. With that said:
I've been a little depressed and antisocial lately. I realized last weekend that it is the season of graduations. Even though I didn't feel that loss the year Calsey was to have graduated, it came fast and furious this year. All the failure that I've taking upon myself came back to me in my failure to help my daughter graduate. I wanted to be able to tell people and write on facebook and tweet that my daughter graduated high school and we would be holding a party to celebrate. But I couldn't and will have to wait 15 years to be able to do that with our 3 year old. By then all the friends my age will have adult children and we may well have drifted apart. So that is another loss that I didn't think about that I will have to grieve about.
Another thing that has been depressing me lately is my job. There have been some major changes, new retraining. It is worse than prison because we cannot have paper, pens, book or calendars at our desks. Lately the call volume has been very slow and usually we were able to read while we weren't on the phone. But that has been taken away so we sit there waiting to take a call. It's going to be hard to keep from wanting to quit. This weekend I've been pondering a decision about whether to continue with this company with all the change going on. I have a very challenging bookkeeping job at home and I really don't want to have my call center job become challenging. After much thought and prayer I decided that I would continue working there. I can use the down time to pray. But I will now switch my 3 tens for five 5 hour days. It might help with the boredom. So until God says otherwise, I will still be working at YA.
And if that weren't enough to add to my depression is the fact that my house is a huge mess. I feel overwhelmed (and that's an understatement) about cleaning it. I know that there are things I cannot take care of and it's just so much that I hardly feel like starting.
So that is honestly where I'm at. I'm trying to figure out a way to get through this for Lilyana. She deserves a clean house, sitting around a table as a family and parents with energy to play with her and do things with her. Right now I feel we are old, tired and depressed parents and Lilyana deserves better. It doesn't help that I'm in constant pain whether I'm sitting or walking. I've also got a tingly feeling in my hands and feet and my feet are also numb at times. So I know that I will be seeing the doctor again and again to try to get better and be able to be what Lilyana needs me to be.
I know this has been a depressing post but it's what's in my heart tonight and I needed to get it out.
I've been a little depressed and antisocial lately. I realized last weekend that it is the season of graduations. Even though I didn't feel that loss the year Calsey was to have graduated, it came fast and furious this year. All the failure that I've taking upon myself came back to me in my failure to help my daughter graduate. I wanted to be able to tell people and write on facebook and tweet that my daughter graduated high school and we would be holding a party to celebrate. But I couldn't and will have to wait 15 years to be able to do that with our 3 year old. By then all the friends my age will have adult children and we may well have drifted apart. So that is another loss that I didn't think about that I will have to grieve about.
Another thing that has been depressing me lately is my job. There have been some major changes, new retraining. It is worse than prison because we cannot have paper, pens, book or calendars at our desks. Lately the call volume has been very slow and usually we were able to read while we weren't on the phone. But that has been taken away so we sit there waiting to take a call. It's going to be hard to keep from wanting to quit. This weekend I've been pondering a decision about whether to continue with this company with all the change going on. I have a very challenging bookkeeping job at home and I really don't want to have my call center job become challenging. After much thought and prayer I decided that I would continue working there. I can use the down time to pray. But I will now switch my 3 tens for five 5 hour days. It might help with the boredom. So until God says otherwise, I will still be working at YA.
And if that weren't enough to add to my depression is the fact that my house is a huge mess. I feel overwhelmed (and that's an understatement) about cleaning it. I know that there are things I cannot take care of and it's just so much that I hardly feel like starting.
So that is honestly where I'm at. I'm trying to figure out a way to get through this for Lilyana. She deserves a clean house, sitting around a table as a family and parents with energy to play with her and do things with her. Right now I feel we are old, tired and depressed parents and Lilyana deserves better. It doesn't help that I'm in constant pain whether I'm sitting or walking. I've also got a tingly feeling in my hands and feet and my feet are also numb at times. So I know that I will be seeing the doctor again and again to try to get better and be able to be what Lilyana needs me to be.
I know this has been a depressing post but it's what's in my heart tonight and I needed to get it out.
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