Week in Review

It's Friday and we made it through another week.  I actually worked 40 hours this week with the extra hours I put in yesterday and today.  This weekend will be paying work free.  Since tomorrow is Saturday and bath day for Lilyana maybe she can play outside in the mud.  If anyone is lacking mud and would like some it is free for the taking at our house.

We also were able to spend some fun girl time this morning at a friend's house.  Sue is a great hostess, has a perfectly lovely house and as another friend put it we tried not to have house envy.  There was one other little girl there and Lilyana seemed afraid of her at first even though Belle is almost two years younger than her but after a while she seemed to enjoy her.  Maybe some playdates are in order. 

I cannot believe that in less than six weeks my miracle baby surprise will be 3 years old.  We need to start measuring her height on one of our walls.

Not much else is happening.  We are surviving and taking one day at a time.

God's Timetable

This morning as I got up way too early I was bemoaning the fact that some things didn't come through for us this weekend like we'd hoped.  I thought that with everything in place maybe we'd catch a break.  But that didn't happen and wondered why God thought we needed to continue to "suffer" and did not come through for us.  I was feeling sorry for us.  Then I read today's devotional by Chuck Swindoll.  He's been doing a series on Joseph.  Yes, it put me in my place.  God does not work on our timetable.  Joseph spent a long time waiting for God's plan to come to fruition and he suffered during that time.  I'm pretty sure Joseph suffered more than we are suffering right now.  We have health and good relationships with our family.  We are not in prison for doing the right thing. 

I guess I'll go take a nap and count my blessings when I get up to start a new week of opportunities.

Crazy Week

I am halfway through a crazy week of life.  It began by having a work schedule that didn't make a whole lot of sense.  I was scheduled for Monday thru Wednesday 12:30-9 rather than my usual 10:30-9.  The remaining six hours are scheduled for Friday 7:00-1.  That is 7 AM.  Still in the middle of the night as far as I'm concerned.  I do not know what 7 am looks like.  Upon stepping into the call center on Monday I noticed extra hours posted.  I'm all for extra hours if they fit into my schedule.  So I signed up for 9-12 am for both Tuesday and Wednesday.  Yes, that's right, for those of you who did the math, that means I would be working 12 hours two days in a row.  I decided I could do it for two days.  After day 1 of 12 hours I made it most of the way home only to discover I had a flat tire.  So I called Dan and he picked me up and I thought my extra hours for the next day would have to be given up.  But we delegated the car responsibility to the local car repair shop and now have a used tire on there.  And I was able to do the extra hours on today so I have finished those two days.  Tomorrow being Thursday I am off work to recuperate and go to bed early to be at work at 7 am sharp.  Then come Sunday we begin Daylight Savings Time.  It is generally the most hated day of the year except to those who thrive in early mornings.  This year we are teaching Sunday School during second service which means we go to the first service which starts at 9 am which I thought was early enough already.

I've also realized that there are many behaviors of Lilyana's that have come to a head recently.  Potty training has been a bust.  Eating what is being served is nonexistent.  She might be happy living on pb sandwiches and milk.  Obedience limits are being tested.  Sleeping in a regular bed (not a crib) is challenging unless she's already asleep when she's put down then she's okay.  We're really exhausted trying to keep up on all this.  But in spite of all this, we enjoy spending time with her and she is such a smart and creative kid.  She will take two pieces of a puzzle and use the fork picture to eat from the watermelon picture.  Or she'll take the horn picture in one hand and the guitar picture in another and "play" the instruments.  She's learned the difference between a guitar and violin.  She's recognizes the word watermelon, among many others.

So I will plug away on the rest of the week and look forward to being back to the routine next week and then see what the next week will bring for my work schedule.

Batch/freezer cooking

Thanks to my mom I brought home a stash of meat and I've actually dealt with it making it into meal portions.  I have:

7 pounds of browned ground beef
three meatloaves
15 pieces of breaded chicken breast
1 ziploc with four pieces of marinaded chicken
1 chicken and biscuit casserole to be eaten for supper

That's at least 15 main meals with leftovers for lunches.  I'm happy.  Well, maybe not yet.  I still have to clean the kitchen.  Yuck.

The State of Me

First of all, I have to say that I stole this idea from someone I don't know, Liz, who I feel a connection with because I spent 25 years of my life as a Lutheran, still am a Lutheran at heart and possibly in membership.

What is the state of me as the first month of the year 2011 comes to an end?

Family-wise we are physically healthy.  The joy in my every day is my baby big girl.  Hugs and kisses from her is like being high (from what I only know of prescription pain meds).  My relationship with Dan could use a little work and prayer but we're still here together raising our daughter.

Physically for me is the usual aches, pains, migraines.  Nothing to get worked up about.

Emotionally for me I have gotten better in the last year than I have been for several years.  Raising kids with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) makes parents hypervigilent, on high alert for anything that might be trouble, paranoid might be the best word.  And I realized tonight after reading Liz's post that as I was scheduled to start coming down off of that hypervigilence from my older kids, I am now, two years later, at that same point again for a different reason.  Work.  My workplace breeds paranoia.  You never know when you walk in the door if you'll make to the end of the day.  I am constantly on edge listening for all the gossip going on to see if it's about me or getting another tip of how NOT to get fired that day.  I'm not a poor worker.  I am rule obeyer, respectful, likeable (I think) person who has a lot to offer the right employer.  But I don't feel secure in my employment because the reasons for being fired are out of my control.  And the reasons change frequently.  So once again I find myself hypervigilent, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Is it any wonder I hate going to work.

Spiritually I'm not at a place I want to be although I cling to verses like Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" as I wander through the muck of my life.  And verses like Psalm 139:15-16 "My frame was not hidden from you    when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" when I leave my baby, the joy of my life, and pray she will be safe because we know accidents can happen.  I would love to be at a much deeper place where peace and not high blood pressure reigns and joy comes from more than being with my baby.  But that's not it right now.  Our family needs a lot of work and healing.

So the state of me is kind of low right now.  I walk through each day hoping to dodge any missiles and try to bring joy TO my little girl so she will have some happy memories to look back on.  

Comfort

When Lilyana was just a couple weeks old and about 4 1/2 pounds I got up one morning only to discover she was not in her crib.  I looked over and saw that Dan was sleeping and realized she must be there somewhere.  I started to panic when I realized that she had scooted herself down so she was completely covered by her blanket.  My panic subsided when I discovered that, yes, she was still breathing and all was well.  Ever since then we have looked on her many times while she slept to see that her whole body, head and all, were covered by her blankets.  Her most recent "pacifier" is the sit-n-spin and she prefers to ride it with a stocking cap over her entire head.   From the very beginning she has been comforted by being cocooned from head to toe.

By the way, she puts the stocking cap on herself and she is in no danger.

Ready for dinner

I have turned my non-productive morning into a more productive afternoon.  After a too short nap I took the kitchen by storm.

We are having crockpot pineapple chicken with rice for supper.  I have a 9x13 pan of lasagna assembled and ready for baking.  I have ingredients on hand and ready to cook for hamburger stroganoff.  I pulled a pan of scalloped potatoes out of the freezer to thaw to make a dinner with ham.  I have 16 cups of cut up ham in the freezer for quick meals down the road.  And one ham bone waiting for the crockpot to be empty to cook up for soupish something.  And last but not least since I already had a sink of soapy water, most of my "by hand" dishes are washed and the dishwasher is running so I won't be facing a kitchen of dirty dishes later on.

I am ready for dinner all week.  And hopefully I can make a trip to the library tonight or tomorrow.